I tried to find you

For years the photograph lay about the desk
my past she said the little baby in the highchair
was me at nine months old I was a strong one
for years the photograph held only remnants
of a loneliness that settled deep into my soul


I barely noticed the other people in the picture
The nurse with a bush of dark hair bursting
out from under a white starch cap fastened
no doubt by two or three metal hairclips on
her knee another baby about my age my size
holding the hand of a fat kid in shorts lonely


The photograph lay around for years lost
occasionally I would glance at my baby self

I was the nine month old baby in the highchair
far above the ground sitting ever so quiet with
one leg tucked up over the other as in womb
I was sitting alone separate from the others
No one was holding my hand I was alone
yes utterly alone orphaned forgotten sad



Then one day for some reason the photograph
suggested a closer look maybe with a glass
that magnified the picture and if I looked
close enough I could see right through then
into sixty two years ago into that moment


 I did I noticed every detail of every person
how I wish  i had not not it was too much
too much information only leading to more
pain more sorrow and more soul anger now


For I discovered a twin in me and the other
baby of nine months old as sure as day is
night we came out of the same fertilized egg
twins she was my own my life my other half
how could they do that rip us apart at the seam
it now explains all these dreams I use to have